4 MONTHS, 2 WEEKS

As a last minute choice, I anchored a luncheon. Something I never imagined I could ever do being that I am the shy type. Something was different that day. I had never let go as I did that day. I moved from table to table chatting and relating with guest seated. Voila! There she was...such confidence. I hadn’t talked to anyone so free and confident since the day started. I was mesmerized. SHE WAS DAMN PRETTY!

Seconds by seconds, minutes by minutes, as the hours passed I became more and more into her. I got a picture of her from  the pictures taken at the lunch. ‘She is beautiful’ I thought. It wasn’t long after before I got and became friends with her on her social networks. We got chatting and soon, started dating.

To cut the long story short, exactly four months, two weeks (4 months, 2 weeks) later, we separated. Yes! Separated because that was the word we used because it was mutual. We had a long list of things that went wrong of which I would share a few. These same mistakes are being made daily by millions of Nigerian teenagers and a point or two from this article could save you a short lived relationship.

# BEAUTY: Beauty should never be the ‘A’ factor for you in picking a spouse. A girl is far more than her looks. Beauty indeed comes from within.

#THE INTERNET: Never! Never should you start a relationship on the internet. In my case, we met on ground and then continued what we had going on the internet. Its all the same thing. Never meet, start or continue any relationship on the internet. IT WILL FAIL!

#CONFIDENCE 1: Guys, see, if you like a girl and you are sure you do, go for her. Ask her out. Waste no time. If she agrees, she does. If she doesn’t, she doesn’t. JUST BE BOLD!

#CONFIDENCE 2: Now, this is most important. Weather you feel and look down on you self for whatsoever reason or not, never let the girl know that about you. You could talk about it with your guys... no big deal. For instance, say you have a few extra inches here and there, you and your guys can talk about it if need be but never let a girl know that is your insecurity. Act and be proud if yourself around her. Girls see confidence as sexiness. Be proud of what you are around her no matter what...VERY IMPORTANT.

#TAKE CONTROL: Always be in charge. Girls may or do not like this but it is a bitter truth. Do not give her room for control. You are the man so act the head. Take control. Do not swallow everything wrong she does that you do not like. Rebuke her where you have to and quarrel when you have to.

#FAITH: ‘DO NOT BE EQUALLY YOKED WITH UNBELIEVER’. When the bible stated this, it foresaw what it was saying. Now, when making an omelette, you use the best of eggs. That’s what brought the popular saying ‘the omelette is as good as the eggs’. If you use one million good eggs and one bad egg, the omelette would taste bad. That’s how it is in a relationship between a Christian and an unbeliever(church goer). If you are a Christian, do not settle for less or in no time, your faith becomes wavy.

# FAMILY: keep family member far from your relationship at the early stage of the relationship. Let your family members be aware of it as the right thing to do but introductions and home visit isn’t necessary. This is because, if it doesn’t work out, what then? How many others would you bring home before you find your life partner? Until you are sure of what you both have, keep family members out.

#TIME: Rush in, rush out. Take your time. If you both are meant to be, you will be. Get to know as many things about your spouse quite slowly before starting any relationship with him or her.

#EX(S): I understand the dating game is becoming more and more competitive. One can hardly find any single and nice girl around these days...I know. So, you have to ‘steal’. But, what goes around, comes around. If you ‘steal’ a girl from a guy, another guy would steal from you. Law of Karma. It doesn’t matter if she preferred you or not. Also, if a girl leaves her boyfriend for no tangible reason to date you, what is the probability she won’t do same to you? THINK!

#DISTANCE: This works for only one in a million couples. Distance draws both parties apart more than together. You in no time begin to have nothing in common. I am not saying that there are no advantages of distance relationship but if you want a long lived relationship, avoid distance.

# WHY ME? : This is another very important point. When the girl finally says yes to you, it is very important you sit her down and ask her why she said yes since ‘no’ or ‘let us just be friends’ was also an option. Her reply to this question will to a large extent say how long the relationship would last. In my case, the reply was “you were pressuring me, and you are okay”. It was only a pity i asked the question a little too late. It resulted in 4months, 2 weeks.

To be continued...